Lately I have been filling incomplete like something is missing. I go to church, praise the Lord in my own way. Do my part for the church. I work hard. Staying steadfast in my studies whether it’s spiritually or professionally related. Kids are taken care of. Bills are paid. Health is fair, cause let’s be real, I am healthy but I am probably no where near where healthcare professional’s recommend. (rolls eyes) Steadily writing day in and day out trying to make things happen in my writing career. Still something just doesn’t feel quite right.
A month ago, I participated in a fast and pray that really opened my eyes to a lot of things. My spirit wasn’t quite right with those I held a small amount of resentment towards. Of course the mouth is always saying things like; “I’m not messed up no more, I’m over it, That was then, things change, people change, boo-hoo cry me a river.” Those who know me knows I am so dang sarcastic. The growth period allowed me to see that I was only putting a band-aid on the boo-boo to say the least.
It became apparent that maybe I was over it but I never said those three simple words that would go a long way as long as they are said with sincerity.
“I FORGIVE YOU”
“I SINCERELY APOLOGIZE”
I have come to realize those are the hardest words to admit when you’ve been wrong or feel you have been wronged. Human nature is to write folks completely off with no room for a return visit or hold grudges being the center stage to not forgiving. Then there is the exception of folks that forgive and allow themselves to be doormats building up the ‘thin line between love and hate’ syndrome. (If y’all know the old song, you get the meaning to that) Often the main saying is, ‘I forgive but I won’t forget.’
Is that necessarily the right light to view things? It’s easy to say I won’t forget because it will be a constant reminder to not repeat the same mistake. My opinion is we say those words with those intentions but often keep it as a fresh buffer to not let our guard down again. Some cases it’s not such a bad idea but only to a point where it doesn’t alter our senses completely. (If that makes sense.) In other words, sometimes we don’t forget so we can constantly use the incident as a sword of sorts. Those type of actions can often be a double edged sword. While we are holding on to those small remnants we are cutting ourselves deeper than those we persecute. WATCH OUT!!!
If I was in the pulpit I would have a few amen’s. LOL…
During my fasting, praying, and studying I realized I was GUILTY on all counts of holding on to certain wrong’s. Ones I committed as well as those I felt where I was the one wronged. I needed to forgive as well as pray for forgiveness.
Although I am still so far from where I want to be, need to be, or desire to be I am blessed to see another day to pursue greater. The starting point for me is upward climb to becoming better organized. Getting myself on a system to hopefully rid myself of the worry of whether I am doing everything I possibly can to better myself in every aspect. Long-term & Short-term Plans, Church, Blogging, Growth, etc. #Knowbetter #Dobetter Right?
My goal today is to motivate someone else to let go and let God. There are things that cut deep and we hang on for dear life no matter how fast it’s taking years off of our lives. We serve a forgiving God, it’s time to take a page from his book and lead by example. Just as we had people we looked at for an example of what type of person to become, there is someone looking at us the same way.
Much Love ~Nappyredd~