Underestimated

When I first decided to try my hand at being a writer, lots of questions surfaced. Will anybody read what I write? Will I be criticized for the material I write? Does the topics, ideas, and imagination relate or compare to other writers? Will I stand out from other writers? I could go on forever with the questions and my ability to create my own self-doubt.

Why on Earth would anyone create their own self-doubt?

The truth is, I have always had self-esteem issues, self-worth issues, and battled with my own demons throughout my years. Up until recently those ugly demons would still try and make an appearance to convince me that the world would be better off without me. That my family and friends would be freer if I wasn’t in the picture. BUT GOD!

As the song lyrics have stated so many times, the preachers have quoted in their sermons “He may not come when you want him but he’s on time.” I am truly glad that troubles don’t last always. The type of issues I speek about in this blog are only a stones throw away, this I remind myself of daily. Those same demons I tried battling all alone before could resurface but now through faith I stand firm. No weapon formed against me shall prosper. Even if the weapon stems from my subconscious.

The thing I learned is that we are our own toughest critics. The work we do could really touch, entertain, and give others life. (The new slang my kids use is rubbing off on me) In the same breath one distasteful word or thought can put a monkey wrench in the way. All the things we assumed were going good or the work we’ve done was praise worthy a storm cloud of negativity will roll in and rain our parade. In that instance is when the criticism that was dealt within self will pop-up saying ‘I told you so.’

This morning I thought to look over my previous titles as well as the newest one and skim the reviews. Most were truly uplifting yet there were about two on each book that dampened my accomplished spirit. <Insert sad face> Then I was inspired to blog. It seems for every bad review I read, instead of wanting to lash out it inspires me to write more. If two readers out of every fifty readers who review write some words that have turned away some readers I might add, it must be something terribly wrong. They took time out of their busy day to read and review my work. To pen point every aspect of what they perceived as ‘wrong’ with the book. Even though the reviews seemed contradictory to all the others I thank you for your criticism and for giving me drive. The drive to write more, to edit harder, to enlist secret readers to ensure my plots make sense because I don’t want to disappoint anyone else.

Do words hurt? Of course they do. Do all words hold reverence? Not necessarily. I respect all opinions but since I know some opinions are out of spite… I choose to smile and say thank you.

My daily mantra: I love myself. I love who I have become. I don’t strive to be perfect but I am eager to be pleasing to my God. Always try my very best in everything I do. Continue to embrace the blessings I have been fortunate to receive and using the skills set for me.

God is not through with me yet and if you get something from this testimony he isn’t through with you either.

Love hard, laugh heartily, forgive all, live and learn… And remember Prayer still and will always work.

Be blessed!

~Nappyredd

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